the sunrise that never came II

Silence pervaded the atmosphere. As the sun finally rose from behind the purple clouds, the last sign of life had ebbed away. This was the sunrise that never came…

Everything became surreal. I stood in a time warp as unfamiliar faces zipped by the room and vaguely-known characters held my arm, talking incessantly, of which I remembered I had not understood a single word. Yet no-one knew. I walked out of the door, expressionless but seemingly in control of the situation, doing what was the bare necessity of the situation. Yet no-one knew. Away from sight, trembling in fear and devastation, I saw my hands shaking as I fumbled to unlock the drawers & pick out the card. My sight avoided all objects that could possibly trigger any thoughts…

The next time I stepped back into the room, it had all changed. A sour taste lingered in the stale air; there simply wasn’t any way to re-focus a wandering mind. People continued to swift past in a transient motion, yet life had come to a standstill. A cold touch, a heartless painful chill that stabbed the heart … and that was all that was left.

I flicked through the photos this afternoon and realized how little attention I’d given to the past. What good did the cotton-candy clouds do the blue skies, when it did nothing to heal you? What was the use of the glistening sun that caressed the gentle waters at the lake when it did nothing to brighten up your days? What purpose did it serve to have such vast courtyards paved with crisp cobblestones when it did nothing to give you the space to breathe? How much of it might you have enjoyed, how much might it have been toil for you? Could I have been the mastermind behind this misery, this discomfort, this tedious journey that shouldn’t have been?

Weeks, months, even years could pass, but one can ever tell how these memories can rip a person apart, inside-out, over & over again.

The regret is all mine…

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