I have been advised once too often against my current attitude and hobbies.
I appear moody, cynical and serious at most times.
I indulge in History studies, writing, craftwork and the idea of sharing knowledge.
Time and again, I was reminded of how people around me would not appreciate the “unexciting” nature of my preferences coupled by my temperaments.
Over the past months I have began to give this advice some thought. I start to doubt my interests, I question my inclinations, and I have been cast into a realm of angst & frustrations.
I started writing here because of an encounter at work one day. I sat in a room listening to a medical expert sharing his research, I related it to the upsides from his research (i.e. improving quality of life for the elderly etc) and I realised how clueless everyone was about this knowledge he had amassed overtime. How much information and research has each individual done, and how much has been kept in the dark? How much were we losing when we knew zilch about these?
This sad little part in me began to question my lack of accomplishment over the years. I doubted my career options, I queried my pastimes. I haven’t been able to attain the riches of a top-ranking corporate professional, yet I haven’t either been brave enough to give up my current lifestyle to volunteer for a positive cause. I am no expert in History, medical studies, technology or anything in fact i.e. nothing achieved, nothing done.
It got worse when I realised how everyone was busy with their own lives that we were further silo-ed at work. We cared little for the world around us if it didn’t have a direct impact to our livelihood. People around me stopped reading because it took too much time to run through extensive texts that might not have any relevance to them. No-one seemed to care about the past because the future was bleak and they had to catch up with their competing colleagues in present times.
But this cannot stop me from writing.
While sadness and dejection lingers, I still wish to believe (even if idealistically) that History studies gives us insights of the past that shapes our understanding of the world today –it can give us new & useful perspectives that many have neglected or would not have conceived in modern society. I continue to insist that with every little effort we make in writing and sharing knowledge, it will hit the right chord somewhere and bring about a positive change.
I cannot in my tiny capacity change the world, and I cannot stop false information from spreading online. But I wish to share whatever I know in whatever aspects I can. And it all stems from a question I ask myself daily – why the ignorance about terminal illnesses? Why did I know so little, too little, to do anything for someone I cared for? Is there just another me out there who will live to regret, because so little has been known, and shared across available sources?
My insatiable thirst for knowledge cannot redeem what is lost, my frustrations ever-amplified and I am no noble person – I only hope that with more information shared, comes more knowledge that can inspire/help/keep people thinking and hopefully bring some positive outcome.