this cannot stop me from writing

I have been advised once too often against my current attitude and hobbies.
I appear moody, cynical and serious at most times.
I indulge in History studies, writing, craftwork and the idea of sharing knowledge.

Time and again, I was reminded of how people around me would not appreciate the “unexciting” nature of my preferences coupled by my temperaments.

Over the past months I have began to give this advice some thought. I start to doubt my interests, I question my inclinations, and I have been cast into a realm of angst & frustrations.

I started writing here because of an encounter at work one day. I sat in a room listening to a medical expert sharing his research, I related it to the upsides from his research (i.e. improving quality of life for the elderly etc) and I realised how clueless everyone was about this knowledge he had amassed overtime. How much information and research has each individual done, and how much has been kept in the dark? How much were we losing when we knew zilch about these?

This sad little part in me began to question my lack of accomplishment over the years. I doubted my career options, I queried my pastimes. I haven’t been able to attain the riches of a top-ranking corporate professional, yet I haven’t either been brave enough to give up my current lifestyle to volunteer for a positive cause. I am no expert in History, medical studies, technology or anything in fact i.e. nothing achieved, nothing done.

It got worse when I realised how everyone was busy with their own lives that we were further silo-ed at work. We cared little for the world around us if it didn’t have a direct impact to our livelihood. People around me stopped reading because it took too much time to run through extensive texts that might not have any relevance to them. No-one seemed to care about the past because the future was bleak and they had to catch up with their competing colleagues in present times.

But this cannot stop me from writing.

While sadness and dejection lingers, I still wish to believe (even if idealistically) that History studies gives us insights of the past that shapes our understanding of the world today –it can give us new & useful perspectives that many have neglected or would not have conceived in modern society. I continue to insist that with every little effort we make in writing and sharing knowledge, it will hit the right chord somewhere and bring about a positive change.

I cannot in my tiny capacity change the world, and I cannot stop false information from spreading online. But I wish to share whatever I know in whatever aspects I can. And it all stems from a question I ask myself daily – why the ignorance about terminal illnesses? Why did I know so little, too little, to do anything for someone I cared for? Is there just another me out there who will live to regret, because so little has been known, and shared across available sources?

My insatiable thirst for knowledge cannot redeem what is lost, my frustrations ever-amplified and I am no noble person – I only hope that with more information shared, comes more knowledge that can inspire/help/keep people thinking and hopefully bring some positive outcome.

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15 thoughts on “this cannot stop me from writing

  1. Please don’t ever stop writing, you have a way with words that a non-english person like me could only ever dream of. As for history, I share your passion for it, life in the here aqnd now would be drab and very one dimnensional if not for the history that helped shape the world into what it is today.

    Take care,
    FF

    • Thank you FF. I’ll keep writing, and I’m glad that as I write I found your site to drop by every so often. 🙂 Please keep writing too and don’t worry about the English! I like what you share and I’ll keep dropping by!

      • You suddenly brightened up the cold and rainy day here so much, thank you, and yes I will 🙂

  2. Keep writing and studying history. “You do what you are” to quote Alex Cross., and your love comes through something you do very well.

    On a more personal note, I really didn’t expect the ending to your post today. The ignorance I faced was a dr trying to control rather than helping someone deal. When my husband was diagnosed with multiple myeloma I researched it till I was sure I knew enough about the disease to both talk intelligently to the drs and help my husband. Our first visit with his dr (not an mm specialist, but he didn’t tell my husband that until a month before my husband became incapacitated and then died the following month) I spoke about reading, reasearching, etc. The dr looked at me and told me “don’t ever do that again and don’t talk to me about what you read” (and more I can’t remember due to stress). He never addressed me again except once when my husband was last admitted to the hospital (he lived 18 days, but I never saw his dr again). Unfortunately for my husband he put his trust in this dr (my husband had never been seriously ill in his life and what little contact he’d had with drs were all extremely positive). He only let me take him to another hospital when it was too late.

    I believe you will help lots of people through your writing and your spirit. Thank you.
    Caroline

    • Carol, I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t judge and am in no position to judge your situation. I don’t even know if I’m doing this right, since I’m no expert in either fields of studies.
      I was thinking pretty simplistically – if I had known earlier the symptoms of depression in cancer patients, maybe I wouldn’t have been such a nasty impatient creature. If I could tell the symptoms of dementia, maybe I wouldn’t have been so unforgiving etc. And all the “maybe’s” come to mind. I don’t purport that I will be able to help much given my limited knowledge – I just hope that somewhere out there we will all spare a thought – slow down, look at the problem and recognise it for whatever it is worth. Stop brushing things aside for our self-centred interests and just maybe if we note a symptom soon enough, we will be able to do some good. I might have made these very mistakes I speak of, hopefully someone else can avoid them then.
      Stay strong & take care.

  3. First of all, thanks for liking my recent post. It lead me here out of curiosity, and I want to encourage you to keep writing as well as the others who have commented here. As both a writer and student of history I recognise the importance of studying history and how what has happened in the past shapes and defines our present and future. This post moved me very much; a testament to your writing. Once again, thanks for the “like”.
    Nick

    • Yes indeed, but sometimes, somehow, you start to wonder and doubt… it’s probably a period of self-reconciliation that I’m working on…but it shouldn’t stop me from doing what I do 🙂

  4. Like Nick, I was curious about your blog after you liked my post. What I read resonated closely with experiences I had. The admirable thing is you have identified what needs doing. Perserving and believing in yourself will help to achieve your goals.
    Good luck and thanks for visiting.

    • I was just thinking about whether pictures or words were better, then I saw your post. As I was saying above – there’s so much information out there, people tend to stop reading and pictures become more effective in reaching out to them. And you have put in words what I have been thinking about – the power of writing, and reading.

  5. Two things kept running through my mind as I read this. (1) Someone, somewhere, is watching us and trying to emulate us at all times. It’s not egotistical to believe this, I’ve seen evidence of it. People whose names I didn’t know watched me for years at church and then, when I most needed help, proved to be very strong allies…. all without ever having had a personal conversation with me directly. With the Internet, and blogging, it’s impossible to know who is reading your blog—-and I believe that every word we share is one that someone needs to read…. they may write us or comment to tell us that they were affected—-or they might not. Either way, your words are meaningful and important to someone, somewhere. Also, you count. It’s easy to let the opinions of others make you doubt yourself but, ultimately, the people we admire are no better or worse than we are, even when our opinions differ from theirs. If we have a passion, we have the right to share it, be it writing, History or zoology. (2) You cannot control the circumstances that surround your life, but you can control how you react to it. Many people do this in self-destructive ways: addiction to one thing or another, violence, etc. If you use education and writing as means of handling your environment, you’re choosing to handle life constructively. What’s not enviable about that? Stay encouraged, and HAPPY WRITING!! 🙂

  6. I absolutely agree that in knowing our history, can we know how to proceed in the future. I recently read a book called “The Culture of Narcissism” (discussed in one of my blog posts). One of the themes in this book was exactly how society should not forget its history and minimize it solely to a novelty.
    I also agree with you that reading and writing, along with expanding ones knowledge without the goal of increasing ones livelihood are important activities to practice. I do not understand how some people limit their activities that may provide them only with monetary gain. Such a life seems bleak to me.

    • Absolutely. I’ve always believed that we need to have a meaningful output to what we do. I’m not saying money is not important (I don’t even earn enough to say that), but in all honesty, we should look towards monetary gain for sustaining our lives, but at the same time it is only with an understanding of history that life doesn’t become impoverished.

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