The softer side of the man was hardly ever seen.
He was afraid of something, something no one knew about.
Or why – no one knew why he was angry and afraid.
It was easy to see him as a recluse; cynic; maniac – the worst there had ever been.
But he held a fear as we did – he had feared the concept of loss.
A loss of power; respect; greatest of all, a loss of the one he loved.
The latter had hit him hard, but which he would never speak.
So he took on a life of austerity – a rigid, unyielding pattern all across.
Because in severity, he found peace;
In systems, he found order;
In anger, he found reason.
He thought the unwanted notion of ’emotions’ could cease.
Of memories that could not fade.
Of tears that could not fall.
Of pains that could not falter.
The fear could never be allayed.